Homosexuality came easy to me, because I was already weak.
My mom died when I was 19. My father had died when I was 13. At an
early age, I was already confused about who I was and how I felt about
others.
My confusion about "desire" and the fact that I noticed I was
"attracted" to guys made me put myself into the "gay" category at age
14. At age 20, I came out as gay to everybody else around me.
At age 22, I became an editor of the first magazine aimed at a
young, gay male audience. It bordered on pornography in its
photographic content, but I figured I could use it as a platform to
bigger and better things.
Sure enough, Young Gay America came around. It was meant to
fill the void that the other magazine I'd worked for had created –
namely, anything not-so-pornographic, aimed at the population of young,
gay Americans. Young Gay America took off.
(Column continues below)
Gay people responded happily to Young Gay America. It received
awards, recognition, respectability and great honors, including the
National Role Model Award from major gay organization Equality Forum –
which was given to Canadian Prime Minister Jean Chrétien a year later –
and a whole host of appearances in the media, from PBS to the Seattle
Times, from MSNBC to the cover story in Time magazine.
I produced, with the help of PBS-affiliates and Equality Forum,
the first major documentary film to tackle gay teen suicide, "Jim In
Bold," which toured the world and received numerous "best in festival"
awards.
Young Gay America created a photo exhibit, full of photographs
and stories of gay youth all across the North American continent, which
toured Europe, Canada and parts of the United States.
Young Gay America launched YGA Magazine in 2004, to pretend to
provide a "virtuous counterpart" to the other newsstand media aimed at
gay youth. I say "pretend" because the truth was, YGA was as damaging
as anything else out there, just not overtly pornographic, so it was
more "respected."
It took me almost 16 years to discover that homosexuality
itself is not exactly "virtuous." It was difficult for me to clarify my
feelings on the issue, given that my life was so caught up in it.
Homosexuality, delivered to young minds, is by its very nature
pornographic. It destroys impressionable minds and confuses their
developing sexuality; I did not realize this, however, until I was 30
years old.
YGA Magazine sold out of its first issue in several North
American cities. There was extreme support, by all sides, for YGA
Magazine; schools, parent groups, libraries, governmental associations,
everyone seemed to want it. It tapped right into the zeitgeist of
"accepting and promoting" homosexuality, and I was considered a leader.
I was asked to speak on the prestigious JFK Jr. Forum at Harvard's
Kennedy School of Government in 2005.
It was, after viewing my words on a videotape of that
"performance," that I began to seriously doubt what I was doing with my
life and influence.
Knowing no one who I could approach with my questions and my
doubts, I turned to God; I'd developed a growing relationship with God,
thanks to a debilitating bout with intestinal cramps caused by the
upset stomach-inducing behaviors I'd been engaged in.
Soon, I began to understand things I'd never known could
possibly be real, such as the fact that I was leading a movement of sin
and corruption – which is not to sound as though my discovery was based
on dogma, because decidedly it was not.
I came to the conclusions on my own.
It became clear to me, as I really thought about it – and
really prayed about it – that homosexuality prevents us from finding
our true self within. We cannot see the truth when we're blinded by
homosexuality.
We believe, under the influence of homosexuality, that lust is
not just acceptable, but a virtue. But there is no homosexual "desire"
that is apart from lust.
In denial of this fact, I'd fought to erase such truth at all
costs, and participated in the various popular ways of taking
responsibility out of human hands for challenging the temptations of
lust and other behaviors. I was sure – thanks to culture and world
leaders – that I was doing the right thing.
Driven to look for truth, because nothing felt right, I
looked within. Jesus Christ repeatedly advises us not to trust anybody
other than Him. I did what He said, knowing that the Kingdom of God
does reside in the heart and mind of every man.
What I discovered – what I learned – about homosexuality was
amazing. How I'd first "discovered" homosexual desires back in high
school was by noticing that I looked at other guys. How I healed, when
it became decidedly clear that I should – or risk hurting more people –
is that I paid attention to myself.
Every time I was tempted to lust, I noticed it, caught it,
dealt with it. I called it what it was, and then just let it disappear
on its own. A huge and vital difference exists between superficial
admiration – of yourself, or others – and integral admiration. In
loving ourselves fully, we no longer need anything from the "outside"
world of lustful desire, recognition from others, or physical
satisfaction. Our drives become intrinsic to our very essence,
unbridled by neurotic distractions.
Homosexuality allows us to avoid digging deeper, through
superficiality and lust-inspired attractions – at least, as long as it
remains "accepted" by law. As a result, countless miss out on their
truest self, their God-given Christ-self.
Homosexuality, for me, began at age 13 and ended – once I "cut
myself off" from outside influences and intensely focused on inner
truth – when I discovered the depths of my God-given self at age 30.
God is regarded as an enemy by many in the grip of
homosexuality or other lustful behavior, because He reminds them of who
and what they truly are meant to be. People caught in the act would
rather stay "blissfully ignorant" by silencing truth and those who
speak it, through antagonism, condemnation and calling them words like
"racist," "insensitive," "evil" and "discriminatory."
Healing from the wounds caused by homosexuality is not easy –
there's little obvious support. What support remains is shamed,
ridiculed, silenced by rhetoric or made illegal by twisting of laws. I
had to sift through my own embarrassment and the disapproving "voices"
of all I'd ever known to find it. Part of the homosexual agenda is
getting people to stop considering that conversion is even a viable
question to be asked, let alone whether or not it works.
In my experience, "coming out" from under the influence of the
homosexual mindset was the most liberating, beautiful and astonishing
thing I've ever experienced in my entire life.
Lust takes us out of our bodies, "attaching" our psyche onto
someone else's physical form. That's why homosexual sex – and all other
lust-based sex – is never satisfactory: It's a neurotic process rather
than a natural, normal one. Normal is normal – and has been called
normal for a reason.
Abnormal means "that which hurts us, hurts normal."
Homosexuality takes us out of our normal state, of being perfectly
united in all things, and divides us, causing us to forever pine for an
outside physical object that we can never possess. Homosexual people –
like all people – yearn for the mythical true love, which does actually
exist. The problem with homosexuality is that true love only comes when
we have nothing preventing us from letting it shine forth from within.
We cannot fully be ourselves when our minds are trapped in a cycle and
group-mentality of sanctioned, protected and celebrated lust.
God came to me when I was confused and lost, alone, afraid and
upset. He told me – through prayer – that I had nothing at all to be
afraid of, and that I was home; I just needed to do a little house
cleaning in my mind.
I believe that all people, intrinsically, know the truth. I
believe that is why Christianity scares people so much. It reminds them
of their conscience, which we all possess.
Conscience tells us right from wrong and is a guide by which we
can grow and become stronger and freer human beings. Healing from sin
and ignorance is always possible, but the first thing anyone must do is
get out of the mentalities that divide and conquer humanity.
Sexual truth can be found, provided we're all willing and
driven to accept that our culture sanctions behaviors that harm life.
Guilt should be no reason to avoid the difficult questions.
Homosexuality took almost 16 years of my life and compromised
them with one lie or another, perpetuated through national media
targeted at children. In European countries, homosexuality is
considered so normal that grade-school children are being provided
"gay" children's books as required reading in public schools.
Poland, a country all-too familiar with the destruction of its
people by outside influences, is bravely attempting to stop the
European Union from indoctrinating its children with homosexual
propaganda. In response, the European Union has called the prime
minister of Poland "repulsive."
I was repulsive for quite some time; I am still dealing with all of my guilt.
As a leader in the "gay rights" movement, I was given the
opportunity to address the public many times. If I could take back some
of the things I said, I would. Now I know that homosexuality is lust
and pornography wrapped into one. I'll never let anybody try to
convince me otherwise, no matter how slick their tongues or how sad
their story. I have seen it. I know the truth.
God gave us truth for a reason. It exists so we could be
ourselves. It exists so we could share that perfect self with the
world, to make the perfect world. These are not fanciful schemes or
strange ideals – these are the Truth.
Healing from the sins of the world will not happen in an instant; but, it will happen – if we don't pridefully block it. God wins in the end, in case you didn't know.
Related story:
'Gay rights' leader
quits homosexuality
Related special offer:
"Male and Female He Made Them"
Michael Glatze is the former editor in chief of YGA Magazine and founder of Young Gay America.